Sisi.life

Show your friends how much you care.

2008-05-08T00:48:00.003+04:00

Reasons why She Was So stupid!

2008-05-07T19:05:00.001+04:00

...she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
...she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
...she thought a quarterback was a refund.
...she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
...she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
...she thought Eartha Kitt was a set of garden tools.
...she thought General Motors was in the army.
...she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
...she thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.
...under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."
...she tripped over a cordless phone.
...she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "concentrate."
...she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "ONE WAY."
...at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here," she put "Sagittarius."
...she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
...she studied for a blood test.
...she thought she needed a token to get on "Soul Train."
...she sold the car for gas money!
...when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
...when she went to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left," she turned around and went home.
...when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
...she thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.
...if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
...she thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening.
...she had a shirt that said "TGIF," which she thought stood for "This Goes In Front."

The 6 Answers we have been waiting for

2008-05-07T19:03:00.000+04:00

Q: WHAT ARE THE SMALL BUMPS AROUND WOMEN'S NIPPLES FOR?
A: It's braille for 'suck here.'

Q: WHAT IS AN AUSTRALIAN KISS?
A: Exactly the same as a french kiss, but 'down under.'

Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH 365 USED CONDOMS?
A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

Q: WHY WERE HURRICANES NORMALLY NAMED AFTER WOMEN?
A: Because when they come, they're wild and wet. But when they go,
they take your house and car with them.

Q: WHY DO GIRLS RUB THEIR EYES WHEN THEY GET UP IN THE MORNING?
A: Because they don't have any balls to scratch.

Q: WHAT IS A MAN'S ULTIMATE EMBARASSMENT?
A: Running into a wall with an erection and breaking his nose

Funny deleting

2008-04-13T04:07:00.000+04:00

Explain Further

2008-04-06T14:26:00.002+04:00

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light.

Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights.

She looked down. and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated leisure device... a dildo! Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one.

She went completely ballistic. "You impotent bastard," She screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"

The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: "I’ll explain the toy . . . you explain the kids."

2008-03-06T10:22:00.001+03:00

Hunting Cat.....

2008-03-06T10:20:00.000+03:00

2008-03-04T20:54:00.002+03:00

A student came back to the dorm to find his roommate near tears.
"What's the matter pal?" he asked.
His roommate moaned, "I wrote home for my parents to send money sothat I could buy a laptop; and they sent me the laptop!"

Mh!

2008-03-04T18:14:00.002+03:00

Conversation heard at the coffee machine: "Tell me Sam, how long have you
been working here?'
Sam: "Ever since they threatened to fire me !".

10 Habits to Develop for Financial Stability and Success

2008-03-02T01:32:00.000+03:00

1. Make savings automagical. This should be your top priority, especially if you don't have a solid emergency fund yet. Make it the first bill you pay each payday, by having a set amount automatically transferred from your checking account to your savings (try an online savings account). Don't even think about this transaction — just make sure it happens, each and every payday.

2. Control your impulse spending. The biggest problem for many of us. Impulse spending, on eating out and shopping and online purchases, is a big drain on our finances, the biggest budget breaker for many, and a sure way to be in dire financial straits. See Monitor Your Impulse Spending for more tips.

3. Evaluate your expenses, and live frugally. If you've never tracked your expenses, try the One Month Challenge. Then evaluate how you're spending your money, and see what you can cut out or reduce. Decide if each expense is absolutely necessary, then eliminate the unnecessary. See How I Save Money for more. Also read 30 ways to save $1 a day.

4. Invest in your future. If you're young, you probably don't think about retirement much. But it's important. Even if you think you can always plan for retirement later, do it now. The growth of your investments over time will be amazing if you start in your 20s. Start by increasing your 401(k) to the maximum of your company's match, if that's available to you. After that, the best bet is probably a Roth IRA. Do a little research, but whatever you do, start now!

5. Keep your family secure. The first step is to save for an emergency fund, so that if anything happens, you've got the money. If you have a spouse and/or dependents, you should definitely get life insurance and make a will — as soon as possible! Also research other insurance, such as homeowner's or renter's insurance.

6. Eliminate and avoid debt. If you've got credit cards, personal loans, or other such debt, you need to start a debt elimination plan. List out your debts and arrange them in order from smallest balance at the top to largest at the bottom. Then focus on the debt at the top, putting as much as you can into it, even if it's just $40-50 extra (more would be better). When that amount is paid off, celebrate! Then take the total amount you were paying (say $70 minimum payment plus the $50 extra for a total of $120) and add that to the minimum payment of the next largest debt. Continue this process, with your extra amount snowballing as you go along, until you pay off all your debts. This could take several years, but it's a very rewarding process, and very necessary.

7. Use the envelope system. This is a simple system to keep track of how much money you have for spending. Let's say you set aside three amounts in your budget each payday — one for gas, one for groceries, one for eating out. Withdraw those amounts on payday, and put them in three separate envelopes. That way, you can easily track how much you have left for each of these expenses, and when you run out of money, you know it immediately. You don't overspend in these categories. If you regularly run out too fast, you may need to rethink your budget.

8. Pay bills immediately, or automagically. One good habit is to pay bills as soon as they come in. Also, as much as possible, try to get your bills to be paid through automatic deduction. For those that can't, use your bank's online check system to make regular automatic payments. This way, all of your regular expenses in your budget are taken care of

9. Read about personal finances. The more you educate yourself, the better your finances will be.

10. Look to grow your net worth. Do whatever you can to improve your net worth, either by reducing your debt, increasing your savings, or increasing your income, or all of the above. Look for new ways to make money, or to get paid more for what you do. Over the course of months, if you calculate your net worth each month, you'll see it grow. And that feels great.

10 ways to guarantee you remain poor.

2008-03-02T01:30:00.000+03:00

One: Never wake up early. Keep stretching and turning in bed until you get too hungry to continue dozing. If there are no bedbugs, why hurry to get up?

Two: Never plan how to spend your money. Whenever you get money, start spending it right away and when it is finished, try to count and recall how you spent it.

Three: Don’t think of saving until you have real big money. How can you save when you earn so little? Those telling you to save are not sympathetic to your burning needs.

Four: Don’t engage in activities usually reserved for the “uneducated.” How can you, a graduate, engage in petty trade or home-based production? That is for people who never went to school.

Five: Don’t think of starting a business until an angel comes from heaven and gives you capital. How do they expect you to invest before you get millions of shillings? Even though more than half the businesses in your town were started with a few hundred shillings, you, as a smart person, can only start with millions.

Six: Complain about everything except your own attitude: Blame the system, the government and the banks that refuse to lend you money. They are all bad and do not want you to get rich.

Seven: Spend more than you earn. To achieve this, buy consumer products on credit and keep borrowing from friends and employers.

Eight: Compete in dressing. Make sure you wear the latest clothes among all the workers in your office. Whenever your neighbour buys a new phone, get one that is more expensive.

Nine: Get yourself a nice second-hand car that costs more than three times your gross monthly pay. That will surely keep you in debt long enough to hinder the implementation of any bad plans that could make you accumulate capital.

Ten: Give your children everything they ask for since you are such a loving parent. They should not struggle for anything because you do not want them to suffer. That way, they will grow up lazy and hence poor enough to ensure they cannot help you in your old age.

If you diligently implement these 10 great rules, you will not fail to invite poverty in great measure to your homestead. That way, all important leaders, from East to West, will spend a lot of hours thinking about you, planning how to uplift your daily expenses above one dollar. Isn’t it nice to be the subject of concern of all those leaders and scholars?

5 things to do before turning 30 years old.

2008-03-02T01:14:00.000+03:00

1. Establish financial goals
Make a decision as to what you want and where you want to be in the future. Categorize financial goals into short, medium and long term. They can also be divided into needs and wants.

Examples of short-term goals
Buying a new car
Planning for your wedding
Going to graduate school

Examples of medium-term goals
Having children
Building a house
Starting a business

Examples of long-term goals
Saving for retirement
Building a vacation home (second, third homes etc)

2. Create an emergency fund
Determine how much funds will be needed to put aside as an emergency fund. It is recommended to set aside money equivalent to 3 to 6 months of living expenses. This is money that will come in handy in case of a financial emergency such as unexpected medical expenses or loss of a job.

3. Start investing
Step number 2 above should be completed before thinking about investing. Investing provides for additional income to supplement income earned through a salary or through regular savings accounts and helps start the process of wealth building.

4. Start saving for retirement
An average person will need approximately 70% of pre-retirement income to maintain the same standard of living after they stop working. For example if Samson (a single person) is currently earning Tshs. 500,000 per month he will need Tshs. 350,000 per month during retirement in order to maintain the same standard of living. Pension money alone is not enough to cover this need. An average person will likely spend about one third (1/3) of their life in retirement.

5. Take calculated risks
Most investments do better when held over longer periods of time therefore start investing early (at a young age). Know your risk tolerance level. People in their 20s have more time to try new things and definitely more time to recover from mistakes compared to when one is older and surrounded with more responsibilities.

Salama Binti Jabri

2008-02-23T12:24:00.001+03:00

It isn't a Joke..........

2008-02-23T12:22:00.000+03:00

A cowboy rides up to a saloon on his horse. He goes in, orders a drink, then leaves. His horse is gone. He goes back to the saloon, and asks, "Where's my horse?"
No one replies. So he says, "I'll order one more drink, and then if my horse isn't outside, I'll have to do what i did in Texas and I don't like doing that."

So the locals hurry around, and when he leaves, his horse is outside.

As the stranger gets on his horse, the bartender asks, "What did you do in Texas?" to which the cowboy replies, "I had to walk home."

2008-02-22T22:41:00.001+03:00

2008-02-22T00:57:00.000+03:00

President George Bush and his driver were cruising along a country road on
night when all of a sudden they hit a pig, killing it instantly.

Bush told his driver to go up to the farm house and explain to the
owners what had happened.

About 1 hour later Bush sees his driver staggering back to the car
with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his
clothes all ripped and torn.

"What happened to you", asked Bush.

Driver said, "Well, the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the
Cigar and his 19 year old daughter made mad passionate love to me".

"My God, what did you tell them", asks Bush.

The driver replied, "I'm George Bush's driver, and I just killed the pig".

Do you know how?

2008-02-18T02:35:00.000+03:00

A man walked up to a farmer's house, and knocked on the door. When the farmer's wife opened the door, the man asked if she knew how to have sex. Not amused, she slammed the door.

Again, the man knocked, and again, he asked the same question. Again, she slammed the door and screamed, "Get the hell away!"

Later, she told her husband of the incident. He said he would stay home the following day just in case.

Sure enough, the next day the same man returned. The husband hid with his gun while his wife answered the door. When she was asked again if she knew how to have sex she said, "Yes!"

The man replied, "Great! Give some to your husband the next time you see him, and tell him to keep away from my wife!"

Why Tanzanians can't be terrorists!

2008-02-15T10:13:00.000+03:00

1. We are always late; we would have missed all 4 flights
2. Pretty girls on the plane would distract us
3. We would talk loudly and bring attention to ourselves.
4. We talk with our hands; therefore we would have to put our weapons down
5. We would ALL want to fly the plane
6. We would argue and start a fight in the plane
7. We can't keep a secret; we would have told every one a week before doing it
8. We would have put our country's flag on the windshield
9. We would all have fallen over each other to be in the photograph being taken by one of the hostages

Dear Husband.........................

2008-02-15T10:09:00.000+03:00

A husband and wife were sharing a bottle of soda when the husband said, "I bet you can't tell me something which will make me happy and sad at the same time."

The wife thought for a few moments, then said, "Your dick's bigger than your brother's".

Romeo and Juliet....................!!

2008-02-13T12:02:00.000+03:00

The Salty Coffee (Romantic Story)

2008-02-13T11:54:00.000+03:00

He met her at a party. She was so outstanding, many guys chasing after her, while he was so normal, nobody paid attention to him.

At the end of the party, he invited her to have coffee with him, she was surprised but due to being polite, she promised. They sat in a nice coffee shop, he was too nervous to say anything, she felt uncomfortable, and she thought to herself, "Please, let me go home..."

Suddenly he asked the waiter, "Would you please give me some salt? I'd like to put it in my coffee." Everybody stared at him, so strange! His face turned red but still, he put the salt in his coffee and drank it. She asked him curiously, "Why you have this hobby?" He replied, "When I was a little boy, I lived near the sea, I liked playing in the sea, I could feel the taste of the sea, just like the taste of the salty coffee. Now every time I have the salty coffee, I always think of my childhood, think of my hometown, I miss my hometown so much, I miss my parents who are still living there." While saying that tears filled his eyes. She was deeply touched. That's his true feeling, from the bottom of his heart. A man who can tell out his homesickness, he must be a man who loves home, cares about home, has responsibility of home... Then she also started to speak, spoke about her faraway hometown, her childhood, her family.

That was a really nice talk, also a beautiful beginning of their story. They continued to date. She found that actually he was a man who meets all her demands; he had tolerance, was kind hearted, warm, careful. He was such a good person but she almost missed him! Thanks to his salty coffee! Then the story was just like every beautiful love story, the princess married to the prince, and then they were living the happy life... And, every time she made coffee for him, she put some salt in the coffee, as she knew that's the way he liked it.

After 40 years, he passed away, left her a letter which said, "My dearest, please forgive me, forgive my whole life's lie. This was the only lie I said to you---the salty coffee. Remember the first time we dated? I was so nervous at that time, actually I wanted some sugar, but I said salt. It was hard for me to change so I just went ahead. I never thought that could be the start of our communication! I tried to tell you the truth many times in my life, but I was too afraid to do that, as I have promised not to lie to you for anything... Now I'm dying, I afraid of nothing so I tell you the truth, I don't like the salty coffee, what a strange bad taste... But I have had the salty coffee for my whole life! Since I knew you, I never feel sorry for anything I do for you. Having you with me is my biggest happiness for my whole life. If I can live for the second time, still want to know you and have you for my whole life, even though I have to drink the salty coffee again."

Her tears made the letter totally wet. Someday, someone asked her, "What's the taste of salty coffee?" She replied, "It's sweet."

Moral: love is not to forget but to forgive, not to see but understand, not to hear but to listen, not to let go but HOLD ON!

WHY DO YOU BEHAVE LIKE THIS?

2008-02-13T03:22:00.000+03:00

Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.

He shoots his friend to death.

Wife says, "If you BEHAVE like this, you will lose ALL your friends ".

Before & After Marriage Conversations.............

2008-02-13T03:21:00.000+03:00

BEFORE MARRIAGE:

He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.

She: Do you want me to leave?

He: NO! Don't even think about it.

She: Do you love me?

He: Of course! Over and over!

She: Have you ever cheated on me?

He: NO! Why are you even asking?

She: Will you kiss me?

He: Every chance I get!

She: Will you hit me?

He: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!

She: Can I trust you?

He: Yes.

She: Darling!

AFTER MARRIAGE: simply read from bottom to top

Lowasa Alivyohukumiwa kama Yesu.................

2008-02-10T21:40:00.000+03:00

Ndipo wakampeleka kwa SPIKA wakamuuliza wewe ndie RICHMOND? hata asijibu neno.....Spika akaomba mwongozo......ndipo LOWASSA akasema najiuzulu, wabunge wakapiga kelele wakisema ASULUBIWE!!!

Spika akasema mpelekeni GOLGOTA,hata yapata saa 11 wakamsulubisha LOWASSA. Kulia kwake alikuwepo KARAMAGI kushoto MSABAHA. Karamagi akamwambia Lowassa umefanya usanii mwingi sana jiokoe wewe na sisi pia.LOWASSA akalia kwa uchungu wa kimasai akisema "OONGAI PAPALAI!!"yaani RAIS mbona umeniacha???Kisha akaachia ngazi.

Suppose it was You facing this........................ Ungefanya nini?

2008-02-10T02:37:00.000+03:00

Prison vs. Work

2008-02-10T02:36:00.000+03:00

In prison you spend the majority of your time in an 8' X 10' cell. At work you spend most of your time in a 6' X 8' cubicle.
In prison you get three meals a day. At work you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for that one.

In prison you get time off for good behavior. At work you get rewarded for good behavior with more work.

In prison a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you. At work you must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.

In prison you can watch TV and play games. At work you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

In prison they ball-and-chain you when you go somewhere. At work you are just ball-and-chained.

In prison you get your own loot. At work you have to share.

In prison they allow your family and friends to visit. At work you cannot even speak to your family and friends.

In prison all expenses are paid by taxpayers, with no work required.

At work you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for the prisoners.

In prison you spend most of your life looking through bars from the inside wanting to get out. At work you spend most of your time wanting to get out and inside bars.

In prison you can join many programs which you can leave at any time. At work there are some programs you can never get out of.

In prison there are wardens who are often sadistic. At work we have managers.

Sina Apetaiti

2008-02-09T23:50:00.000+03:00

Mwalimu wa zamu akiwa kwenye ukaguzi mabwenini kuona kama wanafunzi wote wamekweda kwenye chakula cha jioni alimkuta mwanafunzi mmoja akiwa kalala hivyo mazungumzo yakawa hivi:

Mwalimu: wewe mbona umelala wakati wenzako wamekwenda kula?

Mwanafunzi: Leo sina Apetaiti mwalimu.

Mwalimu: (kwa mshangao na hasira) Umezidi uzembe sasa apetaiti yako ina maana umeipoteza ndiyo maana unashindwa kwenda kula halafu kwa nini hukuomba wenzako wakati wengine wanazo apetaiti mpaka tatu na hawazitumii sasa hivi, ungewaazima moja na wewe ukale shenzi mkubwa we!

Kuwa Makini

2008-02-07T01:15:00.000+03:00

Nyerere enzi zake kenda Mirembe kutazama maendeleo ya ujenzi, wakati anaingia langoni mgonjwa mmoja kasema..

"Dah mwenzetu kazidiwa kweli... mie nililetwa na nesi tu hapa yeye analetwa na mapolisi duh!!" alipoingia wadini..

mgonjwa mwingine kamuuliza "Ivi lakini we ni nani" Babu kamjibu.. "Mie Nyerere..."

Huyo mgonjwa kwa hali ya woga mkuu kasema akinong'ona "Shhhhhh..... wasikusikie... mi nilijiita Kawawa walipiga kidogo waniuwe..

Sa we unajiita Nyerere shauri zako!!"

Where is her husband....?

2008-02-04T02:18:00.000+03:00

- How do you call a woman that always knows where her husband is?
- A widow!

Enh! Samuel Jackson????????

2008-02-04T02:16:00.000+03:00

Gift for grandma....................

2008-02-04T02:14:00.000+03:00

- Billy, what gift do you have for your grandma’s birthday?
- A football.
- A football? Billy, grandma does not play foot ball.
- So what! She bought me books to read too.

Jesus comes back from Heaven

2008-02-04T02:09:00.000+03:00

Jesus comes back from Heaven and goes to Israel. He sees a kid and tells him:
- Son, I’ve come back from Heaven to your salvation.
The boy screams to his father:
- Daddy, daddy, bring the cross and nails because this guy is back.

A Real Hacker..................................!!

2008-02-04T02:08:00.000+03:00

Car mechanic and programmer

2008-02-04T02:06:00.000+03:00

In a car there are two persons: a car mechanic and a programmer. They where going to work when suddenly the car broke down. The car mechanic tries to make the car work again but no solution. Suddenly the programmer says:
- I say we better FORMAT it!!!

Chess player..........................

2008-02-03T20:20:00.000+03:00

A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while.

"I can hardly believe my eyes!" he exclaimed. "That's the smartest dog I've ever seen."

"Nah, he's not so smart," the friend replied. "I've beaten him three games out of five."

BORA KUZIMU YA BONGO

2008-02-02T18:22:00.000+03:00

Jamaa mmoja alifariki na akapelekwa kuzimu, alipofika mapokezi akamkuta Shetani amekaa. Mazungumzo yao yakawa hivi:

Shetani: Ndugu yangu huku nafasi zilizobakia ni za kuzimu ya Marekani, Ufaransa na ya Tanzania pekee, sasa wewe unachagua uende kuzimu ipi?
Jamaa: Hebu nieleze kidogo juu ya kuzimu ya Marekani
Shetani: utakuwa unachapwa viboko 20 asubuhi na vingine 20 jioni kila siku kisha utakuwa unawekwa kwenye kiti cha umeme kuanzia saa sita hadi saa nane mchana kila siku.
Jamaa: Ya Ufaransa ratiba yao ikoje?
Shetani: Utawekwa kwenye kiti cha umeme kuanzia saa kumi na mbili mpaka saa mbili asubuhi kisha utachapwa viboko 20 na baadaye utachapwa vingine 20 jioni.
Jamaa: Mh! Basi nieleze ratiba ya kuzimu ya Tanzania kabla sijachagua
Shetani: Kutokana na tatizo la umeme kukatika mara wa mara siwezi kukutajia muda kamili utakaowekwa kwenye kiti cha umeme na pia Malaika wa kule ni mtumishi wa Umma hivyo huamua mwenyewe ni muda gani atakuwa ofisini na wakati mwingine huweza kuja kusaini tu na kuondoka bila kufanya kazi kwa hiyo sijui hizo fimbo zako arobaini utachapwa muda gani au unaweza usichapwe kabisa.

Read this before you Commit yourself to be a Teacher...

2008-02-02T02:52:00.000+03:00

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America
MARIA: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria!

TEACHER: Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
FRANK: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D- A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it s wrong, but you asked me how I spell
it!

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for
water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O!

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have
today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!

TEACHER: Goss, why do you always get so dirty?
GOSS: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you
are.

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with
"I."
MILLIE: I is...
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, "I am."
MILLIE: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the
alphabet."

TEACHER: Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?
TINO: Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the
same day, same time."

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his
father's cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now,
Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
LOUIS: Because George still had the ax in his hand.

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say
prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on "My Dog" is
exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, teacher, it's the same dog;

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps
on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher

SI NILIKWAMBIA HAMNA TATIZO?

2008-02-02T01:54:00.000+03:00

Siku moja mwalimu alikuwa anasahihisha madaftari ya wanafunzi wake wa Chekechea, basi mara wakatokea Diana na Sosi ambao pia ni wanafunzi wake. Basi mazungumzo yakawa hivi:

Mwalimu: Enh watoto wazuri mnasemaje?
Diana (kwa udadisi wa kitoto): Eti mwalimu Mama yangu anawedha kupata mimba?
Mwalimu: Kwani mama yako ana miaka mingapi?
Diana: Arubaini
Mwalimu: Ndiyo anaweza kupata mimba
Diana (huku akitazama chini): Na mimi je nawedha kupata mimba?
Mwalimu (huku akitabasamu): Hapana Diana wewe bado mdogo sana huwezi kushika mimba
Sosi (ambaye alikuwa kimya muda wote akamshika Diana mkono): Mi thi nilikwambia muda wote ukawa unakataa thatha umethikia mwenyewe mwalimu naye amethemaje? Hatuna haja ya kuogopa.

The Truth about Money

2008-02-02T01:50:00.000+03:00

JIANDAE KWANZA KUPOKEA JIBU KABLA HUJAULIZA SWALI

2008-02-02T01:37:00.000+03:00

Mama mmoja alikwenda Mahakamani kutoa ushaidi dhidi ya mshitakiwa aliyeiba kandambili msikitini. Ulipofika muda wa yeye kuulizwa maswali na wakili anayemtetea mshitakiwa, wakili alinyanyuka kwa mbwembwe huku akielekea kwenye kizimba alichokuwa yule mama. Basi kwa kujiamini kabisa yule wakili akaanza na swali hili: “Je, unanifahamu mimi ni nani?” basi yule mama akajibu “ nakufahamu vizuri sana, ulikulia mtaani kwetu na kipindi ulipokuwa mdogo ulikuwa na tabia njema sana ila sasa umebadilika na umekuwa na kiburi, jeuri na dharau sana, mbaya zaidi umekuwa na tabia ya kutembea na wake za watu.”

Wakili kwa kuchanganyikiwa na jibu alilopewa basi akamwelekezea kidole Jaji huku akimuuliza yule mama “Je unamfahamu yule ni nani?” Mama kama kawaida akaanza kutoa maelezo yake hivi: “Huyo hapo pia namfahamu vizuri kwani mlikuwa naye pamoja nashangaa kwa nini unaniuliza kama namjua, hata yeye kama ulivyokuwa wewe alikuwa kijana mtiifu sana lakini tangu alipoajiriwa amekuwa na tabia chafu kama zako na pia ile tabia yake ya kutembea na wake za watu juzi tu alimdanganya mkewe kuwa anakwenda safari kikazi kumbe alikwenda kulala na mwanamke Gesti na mbaya zaidi alilala na mkeo wakati anajua fika kuwa yule ni mke wa rafiki yake mkubwa.

Jaji akiwa ameishiwa pumzi kabisa akasimama na kusema: “Sikilizeni nyie Nguchiro, yeyote atakayemuuliza huyu mwanamke swali lolote kuhusu mimi basi atakwenda yeye Gerezani badala ya mshitakiwa.”

What’s the matter, dear?

2008-02-01T02:26:00.000+03:00

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.

She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front him. He appears deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee.

“What’s the matter, dear?” she whispers as she steps into the room. “Why are you down here at this time of night?”

The husband looks up, “Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and
you were only 17?” he asks solemnly.

The wife is touched thinking her husband is so caring and sensitive. “Yes, I do,” she replies.

The husband pauses. The words are not coming easily. “Do you remember when
you father caught us in the back seat of my car?”

“Yes, I remember,” says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continues…”Do you remember when he shoved a shotgun in my face and said, “Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years”.
“I remember that too”, she replies softly.

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says… “I would have gotten out today!”

Laughing Jokingly when Fella mess up the Deal!

2008-01-31T02:09:00.000+03:00

Ski Cat

2008-01-31T02:02:00.000+03:00

Fun Jokes

2008-01-31T01:58:00.001+03:00

1. Confi-what?:
Son asks difference between confidence and confidential.
Dad says," you are my son, I'm confident. Your friend is also my son, that's confidential!"

2. The Feelings:
What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Well, Stress is when wife is pregnant,Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and Panic is when both are pregnant

3. Period:
Teacher: "u know the importance of period?"
Kid: "Ya, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got heart attack & our driver ran away".

4. Friends:
Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.He shoots his friend to death.Wife says, "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends".

They all the same

2008-01-31T01:53:00.000+03:00

One Chinese person walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.

I nstead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor, get out of here."
The astonished Chinese man replied "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbor , it was the Japanese".
"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.

I n return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says "You sank the Titanic; my forefathers were on that ship."
Shocked, Spielberg replies "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."
The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."

The CD Boy

2008-01-29T21:12:00.000+03:00

A boy walked into a CD store and saw a girl behind the counter.
She smiled and he thought it was the most beautiful smile he has ever seen before and wanted to kiss her right there.
He said "Uh... Yeah... Umm... I would like to buy a CD." He picked one out and gave her money for it.
"Would you like me to wrap it for you?" she asked, smiling her cute smile again.
He nodded and she went to the back.
She came back with the wrapped CD and gave it to him. He took it and walked out of the store. He went home and from then on, he went to that store everyday and bought a CD, and she wrapped it for him. He took the CD home and put it in his closet. He was still too shy to ask her out and he really wanted to but he couldn't. His mother found out about this and told him to just ask her.
So the next day, he took all his courage and went to the store. He bought a CD like he dideveryday and once again she went to the back of the store and came back with itwrapped. He took it and when she wasn't looking, he left his phone number on the desk and ran out...
!!!RRRRRING!!!
The mother picked up the phone and said, "Hello?"
It was the girl!!! She asked for the boy and the mother started to cry and said, "You don'tknow? He passed away yesterday...
" The line was quiet except for the cries of the boy's mother. Later in the day. The motherwent into the boy's room because she wanted to remember him. She thought shewould start by looking at his clothes. So she opened the closet. She was face to face with piles and piles and piles of unopened CDs. She was surprised to find all those CDs and shepicked one up and sat down on the bed and she started to open one.

Inside, there was a CD and as she took it out of the wrapper, out fell a piece of paper. Themother picked it up and started to read it.
It said: Hi... I think you are really cute. Do you wanna go out with me? Love, Jacelyn
The mother opened another CD...
Again there was a piece of paper. It said: Hi... I think you are really cute. Do you wanna go outwith me? Love, Jacelyn

Jealous Boy

2008-01-29T21:09:00.000+03:00

A 5yr old boy was jealous of his new babybrotherbecause his mother was not paying attention to him at all. Tired of this constant ignoring he decided tosolve the problem once and for all...He decided toput poison on his mother's nipples while she wassleeping to kill the baby. The next morning guess what.......................

The father(their dad) has past away!!!!!

I'm Sorry I Lied

2008-01-29T21:08:00.000+03:00

Jenny was so happy about the house they had found. For once in her life that was on the right side of town. She unpacked her things with such great ease. As she watched her new curtains blow in the breeze. How wonderful it was to have her own room. School would be starting, she would have friends over soon. There will be sleep-overs, and parties. She was so happy. It's just the way she wanted her life to be. On the first day of school, everything went great. She made new friends and even got a date! She thought, "I want to be popular and I'm going to be, because I just got a date with the star of the team!" To be known in this school you had to have a clout, and dating this guy would sure help her out. There was only one problem stopping her fate. Her parents had said she was too young to date. "Well I just won't tell them the entire truth.

They won't know the difference. What's there to lose?" Jenny asked to stay with her friends that night. Her parents frowned but said, "All right." Excited, she got ready for the big event. But as she rushed around like she had no sense, she began to feel guilty about all the lies, but what's a pizza, a party, and a moonlight ride? Well the pizza was good, and the party was great, and the moonlight ride would have to wait, for Jeff was half drunk by this time. But he kissed her and said that he was just fine. Then the room filled with smoked and Jeff took a puff. Jenny couldn't believe he was smoking that stuff. Now Jeff was ready to ride to the point, but only after he'd smoked another joint. They jumped in the car for the moonlight ride, not thinking that he was too drunk to drive. They finally made it to the point at last, and Jeff started trying to make a pass. A pass is not what Jenny wanted at all (and by a pass, I don't mean playing football.) "Perhaps my parents were right. Maybe I am too young. Boy, how could I ever, ever be so dumb?" With all of her might, she pushed Jeff away, "Please take me home, I don't want to stay." Jeff cranked up the engine and floored the gas.

In a matter of seconds they were going too fast. As Jeff drove on in a fit of wild anger, Jenny knew that her life was in danger. She begged and pleaded for him to slow down, but he just got faster as they neared the town. "Just let me get home! I'll confess that I lied. I really went out for a moonlight ride." Then all of a sudden, she saw a big flash. "Oh God, Please help us! We're going to crash!" She doesn't remember the force of impact. Just that everything all of a sudden went black. She felt someone remove her from the twisted rubble, and heard, "Call an ambulance! These kids are in trouble!" Voices she heard, a few words at best. But she knew there were two cars involved in the wreck. Then wondered to herself if Jeff was all right, and if the people in the other car was alive. She awoke in the hospital to faces so sad. "You've been in a wreck and it looks pretty bad." These voices echoed inside her head, as they gently told her that Jeff was dead. They said "Jenny, we've done all we can do. But it looks as if we'll lose you too." "But the people in the other car?" Jenny cried. "We're sorry, Jenny, they also died." Jenny prayed, "God, forgive me for what I've done.

I only wanted to have just one night of fun." "Tell those people's family, I've made their lives dim, and wish I could return their families to them." "Tell Mom and Dad I'm sorry I lied, and that it's my fault so many have died. Oh, nurse, won't you please tell them that for me?" The nurse just stood there. She never agreed. But took Jenny's hand with tears in her eyes. And a few moments later Jenny died. A man asked the nurse, "Why didn't you do your best to bid that girl her one last request?" She looked at the man with eyes so sad. "Because the people in the other car were her mom and dad."

A BOYS LOVE

2008-01-29T21:06:00.000+03:00

I hurried to go to the supermarket to buy the remaining of the gift I didn't manage to buy earlier. When I saw all the people there, I started to complain tomyself,"It is going to take forever here and I still have so many other places to go. Christmas really is getting more and more annoying every year.How I wish I could just lie down, go to sleep and only wake up after it..." Nonetheless, I made my way to the toy section, and there I started to curse the prices, wondering if after all kids really pla ywith such expensive toys.

While looking in the toy section, I noticed a small boy of about 5 years old, pressing a doll against his chest. He kept on touching the hair of the doll and looked so sad. I wondered who was this doll for. Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him, "Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?" The old lady replied, "You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear." Then she asked him to stay here for 5 minutes while she went to look around. She left quickly. The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand. Finally, I started to walk toward him and I asked him who did he want to give this doll to. "It is the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for this Christmas.

She was so sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her." I replied to him that may be Santa Claus will bring it to her, after all, and not to worry. But he replied to me sadly. "No, Santa Claus can not bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mother so that she can give it to her when she goes there." His eyes were so sad while saying this. "My sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mummy will also go to see God very soon, so I thought that she could bring the doll with her to give it to my sister." My heart nearly stopped. The little boy looked up at me and said, "I told daddy to tell mummy not to go yet. I asked him to wait until I come back from the supermarket." Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me, "I also want mummy to take this photo with her so that she will not forget me." I love my mummy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister." Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly.I quickly reached for my wallet and took a few notes and said to the boy, "What if we checked again, just in case if you have enough money?" "Ok," he said. "I hope that I have enough." I added some of my money to his without him seeing and we started to count it.

There was enough for the doll, and even some spare money. The little boy said, "Thank you God for giving me enough money." Then he looked at me and added, "I asked yesterday before I slept for God to make sure I have enough money to buy this doll so that mummy can give it to my sister. He heard me." "I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mummy, but I didn't dare to ask God too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and the white rose." "You know, my mummy loves white rose." A few minutes later, the old lady came again and I left with my trolley. I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started. I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind.

Then I remembered a local newspaper article 2 days ago, which mentioned of a drunk man in a truck who hit a car where there was one young lady and a little girl. The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-assisting machine, because the young lady would not be able to get out of the coma. Was this the family of the little boy? Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the newspaper that the young lady had passed away.

I couldn't stop myself and went to buy a bunch of white roses and I went to the mortuary where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wish before burial. She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rosein her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest. I left the place crying, feeling that my life had been changed forever. The love that this little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to that day, hard to imagine. And in a fraction of a second, a drunk man had taken all this away from him.

2 Pac Shakur

2007-03-19T16:59:00.000+03:00

Check More about the greatest rapper, artist & actor of all time Here.

Martin Luther King

2007-03-19T16:35:00.000+03:00

Check his full history Here

Don't judge things too quickly

2007-03-12T17:01:00.000+03:00

There was a man who had four sons. He wanted his sons to learn not to judge things too quickly.

So he sent them each on a quest, in turn, to go and look at a pear tree that was a great distance away.The first son went in the winter, the second in the spring, the third in summer, and the youngest son in the fall.

When they had all gone and come back, he called them together to describe what they had seen. The first son said that the tree was ugly, bent, and twisted. The second son said no, it was covered with green buds and full of promise.

The third son disagreed; he said it was laden with blossoms that smelled so sweet and looked so beautiful, it was the most graceful thing he had ever seen.

The last son disagreed with all of them; he said it was ripe and drooping with fruit, full of life and fulfillment. The man then explained to his sons that they were all right, because they had each seen but only one season in the tree's life.

He told them that you cannot judge a tree, or a person, by only one season,and that the essence of who they are and the pleasure, joy, and love that come from that life can only be measured at the end, when all the seasons are up.

If you give up when it's winter, you will miss the promise of your spring, the beauty of your summer, fulfillment of your fall.

Moral:

Don't let the pain of one season destroy the joy of the rest seasons. Don't judge life by one difficult season. Persevere through the difficult patches and better times are sure to come some time or later.